Random Reflections Pt3

1.There’s a topic I’ve been hesitant to broach because of its sensitive and rather uh, volatile nature. However, a recent on-the-job experience has convinced me of the necessity of discussing it.

It is now time to talk about children.

Specifically, those ill-behaved lawn-apes that seem to show up everywhere there is a congregation of more than five people. I can forgive a lot from a critter the size of a football that only recently discovered what daylight looked like, really I can. Any irritation at that age is perfectly normal, that’s hardwired into them – annoy any nearby person until they get fed or removed from whatever mess they’ve created.

What I cannot brook, however, is extending the age of stupidity all the way up to five, six, seven, eight years old. Sensible, controlled, adult people should not have insensible, uncontrollable, little people running around rampant underfoot while these sensible adult people are trying to conduct business. While screaming nonsensical gibberish (despite having a passable command of the English language) while running may seem like a bonus to the weasels in question, the rest of us find it highly offensive.

Listen up: Having kids is not a novelty. It’s not a status symbol. It’s not a rite of passage, it’s not a fashion statement, it’s not an entry into a popularity contest. It’s the greatest responsibility the vast majority of us can entertain thoughts of possessing, and if you have no intention of bearing that responsibility with anything other than the gravest sense of honor possible, then for God’s sake DON’T HAVE KIDS. Yes, it IS that simple. For all practical intents and purposes, they are your property for 18 years. If you’re not going to keep them fed, watered, washed, waxed, covered, and under your control until they’re capable of exercising some control of their own (which you could teach to them if you took six seconds out of your Survivor marathon), don’t come crying to me and mine when popular culture raises them and you don’t particularly care for the results. I’m too busy dealing with the adult world to worry about your little monsters, unless and until they become big monsters and intrude into MY life with none of the control you didn’t teach them.

It’s not THAT hard to teach small children not to behave like savages at the bookstore, grocery store, any public place. The rest of us don’t find that behavior cute, and we dread what kind of whirlwind that’ll reap down the road. So either do your job or stop dabbling in matters of which you know nothing.

2.My former best friend has been converted into more of an acquaintance because he’s gotten hooked on alcohol. While I don’t know the depth and extent to which this hook is embedded in him, I do know that it has brought with it many of the ugly consequences that are the known and foreseeable results of imbibing to excess. I just wish I had the strength of will and the coldness of heart to shake the hand of the friend that is encouraging this behavior, and then beat him to the point where someone needs to pull me off. It might not do squat, but it’d make me feel dang good.

It's ironic, but not only do kids my age believe themselves to be invincible due to their youth, they believe themselves to be wise and worldly at least 3-5 years older than they truly are. I need two hands and possibly a foot to count off all the people who I’ve known who have done truly stupid things with addicting substances. Some have pulled back from that brink. Some have not. That is a cliff’s edge on which you do NOT want to play Twister.

None of us had the fortune to be born immortal. More’s the pity.

3.Do not trust any organization that has some derivation of the feminine gender in the title. Do not trust any law that has the words “Children,” “Free,” “Equal” or some mutation of the quoted in the title, or that intends to appeal to the patriotism of the reader. These two categories have done and have the capacity to do untold damage to the freedom of the American people. I bring before you the examples of the UN Convention On The Rights Of The Child - which would ban home schooling, and would make spanking a federal offense (the treaty is stalled in Congress) – and Mothers Against Drunk Driving – mandatory sobriety checkpoints, anyone?

4.I work across the street from the biggest mall in the city, and once a week I run over there during my lunch break. So I’m standing at the entrance, looking at the huge building across the way – where I work – and I realize, we’re nothing. I mean, humanity is so dang small compared to the world we’re barely more substantial than dust motes. We’re tiny in comparison with the world, the universe, everything. And yet the tiny buildings and cars and people we surround ourselves with mean everything to us, despite the fact that they and we could disappear in an eyeblink and everything else would go on without so much as a hiccup. The things perspective will make you think about. We’re ants, crawling around on the skin of something we don’t even think about, surrounded by bright blue sky, and we’ll never know anything else. We don’t even stop to think like that, usually.

5.There’s a saying I’ve grown up with – “Pick the rock you want to die on.” It means pick the cause or belief for which will stand your ground and from which you will not retreat under any circumstance, and then draw your line in the stand. You’ve gotta pick carefully though. You don’t get a last-minute do-over when you things don’t go your way. Be sure of where and for what you make your stand, and then do NOT budge.At the same time, don’t be stupid about something that means a lot to you – NOW. You can get yourself in a world of hurt picking something moronic as the rock you want to die on, and it’ll come back and bite you when you least expect it. And remember, the point is not to die on, but to defend that rock. Be crafty, be cunning, be a master of strategic retreat, but make sure you can live with your chosen stand, the things you have to do to defend it, and the consequences that follow.