Lifehouse - Hanging By A Moment

Desperate for changing
Starving for truth
I'm closer to where I started
Chasing after you
I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm Hanging By A Moment here with you

Forgetting all I'm lacking
Completely incomplete
I'll take your invitation
You take all of me now...

I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm Hanging By A Moment here with you
I'm living for the only thing I know
I'm running and not quite sure where to go
And I don't know what I'm diving into
Just Hanging By A Moment here with you

There's nothing else to lose
There's nothing else to find
There's nothing in the world
That can change my mind
There is nothing else
There is nothing else
There is nothing else

Desperate for changing
Starving for truth
I'm closer to where I started
Chasing after you....

I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm Hanging By A Moment here with you
I'm living for the only thing I know
I'm running and not quite sure where to go
And I don't know what I'm diving into
Just Hanging By A Moment here with you

Just Hanging By A Moment (here with you)
Hanging By A Moment (here with you)
Hanging By A Moment here with you
--------------------------------------------
Exactly four weeks, twenty-eight days from now, I will have made the what I believe will have been the biggest mistake of my life. Bigger than not turning around 3 minutes earlier on my last day of work. Bigger than never asking "her" what her name was, and that's probably the single most galling mistake I can remember.

I don't know what I'm going to be doing, twenty-eight days from right now. Walking home? Running, trying to outrun my decision? Maybe just talking on the phone, and trying to explain this to a person I'm going to owe an explanation to? Part of me wants to walk across the street to the home of an old friend, and take her up on her long-ago invitation to get roaring drunk.

I suspect I'll be sitting here, like I am right now.
Typing.
Having made the smart decision.
Done the right thing.

I'm manipulating the situation right now. Doing everything I can to spin this in my favor. I ran a "long con" once, spent over a year manipulating a situation into one perfect lie that made me feel like crap, saved my brother's relationship with the rest of the family, and screwed up something I had wanted for a long, long time.

I've been planning this since January. Putting the pieces together, figuring out the angles, manipulating the people involved. If I can pull it off, this is going to be the greatest thing I've ever done, and will end perfectly for me. I WANT to do this. It's time for a change, to shake things up, and this is the ONLY way to get what I want.

It does, however, involve some loss of control. And I know what I'm going to do - not what I want to do, I'm going to do what I've always done. The smart thing, the nice thing, the right thing. And I'll hate it, and I'll live with it.

This song rings true for me in several ways, and a couple of lines really stand out to me:

Desperate for changing
Starving for truth
I'm closer to where I started
Chasing after you
I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held onto
...
Forgetting all I'm lacking
Completely incomplete
...
I'm living for the only thing I know
I'm running and not quite sure where to go
And I don't know what I'm diving into

Son of a...this all sounds so emo.

Damn it, I don't care.

27 days to go now.