Living For

I'm sick of living for someone else. It seems like what I want to do always takes a backseat to what is right, what is financially responsible, what is common sense, what is good, what I should do.

I wanted to buy a PTR-91...but instead I'll dump that money into stuff I should buy.
I wanted to take a year between school and college and just work...but I went to college.
I wanted to take this semester off and just work...but I'm going to school.
I wanted to ask a girl out...but I didn't, to preserve our friendship.
I want to ask another girl to go see The Kingdom...but I won't, because it'd be messy whether or not it worked.

I'm sick of always doing the right thing, the good thing, the common sense thing. I can't seem to behave like my brother, and do whatever I want, whenever I want, damn the torpedoes. But somehow, I just can't cut loose of doing the right thing, all the time. I'm sick of my own inability to let go.

I think this next line's from Lost:

"It's ok for some people, Jack. But not for you."

Grrr...It's 11:45 at night, and I'm depressed about all of this. And I know it, and it's influencing what I right. I'll feel differently in the morning. Actually I won't, I just won't admit it.