Tales From Retail Pt.7

7.The most inventive (and stupid) shoplifter I ever saw came into the store on a bright summer afternoon. He was wearing an ice-denim jumpsuit of the style (if not the fabric) favored by car mechanics, and he set his backpack next to our registers and said “I’m going to leave this here so you don’t think I’m going to steal anything.”

The assistant and I exchange glances, offer to help him, and spend several minutes ruminating on how society is finally turning itself around.

After about half an hour of hanging around the anime DVDs, our shoplifter walks up to the counter, grabs his backpack, and strides purposefully out, to a chorus of alarms. The assistant takes after him, but loses him in a crowd.

Four months pass. It is now the Christmas season. I’ve finished my dinner in the back room and come up to the registers. A backpack is laying on the counter, and a full Chinese gong bad starts playing in the Bad Things Are Going On section of my brain. I ask around, and one of the Christmas temps said that a guy (who I was able to determine matched the description of our shoplifter) had left that on the counter so we wouldn’t think he was a thief.

He’s got 15 CDs in hand when I catch up to him, and say “Welcome to *redacted*. I’m *redacted*, anything I can help you find?”

He says no and walks off. I follow. I trail him at 5 feet up and down the aisles. He finally realizes that this isn’t going in his favor, drops his CDs in a display, and walks out.

Right before the store closed, he came in again. Multiple customers, and Dave’s the only one there beside me, yours truly being engaged at the register. I told Dave to forget everyone else and be the guy’s personal shopper. Dave stood right next to him and riffled CDs in the racks everywhere he went. Eventually the guy wised up and left.

I see him occasionally at my current job. He no longer dresses like a rap video reject, and is usually inquiring about textbooks and historical films. I’d like to think he turned his life around.