Tales From Retail Pt.8

8.Stoners are funny to watch. They’re not violent and they do the dumbest things.

A kid I’ll call Red The Stoner (because of his perpetual red shirt) was a frequent customer. Well, shopper. He never figured out, in his constant pot-induced confusion, that he could actually buy anything.

The first time I interacted with him, he was wandering aimlessly at about 5 in the evening. I pulled my usual shpeel about helping him find stuff, and he half-heartedly waved me off.

Over the course of the next FOUR hours – one sixth of a day – he circled the store endlessly.

At 9pm, I advised him that the store was closing and he should bring his purchases to the register for check-out.

He arrives at the register, and I’m overjoyed. Not only has he displayed brain activity, but he’s buying something. He puts his CD on the counter, I scan the barcode, and inform him of the price.

He looks at me blankly.

For the next sixty seconds, I continue to remind him of the price. He finally rouses himself from his stupor and utters a line I will remember forever: “You mean…I have to pay for it?”

When I gently advise him yes, federal reserve notes are accepted in all merchandise sales, he stares off into space, for a few seconds, and then ambles quietly outside.

He came back in several times over the next few months, but never bought anything.