Liberalize Me

So there's this guy on public radio this morning who wrote a book called Conservatize Me.

Capitalizing on the success of that moron Morgan Spurlock's movie Supersize Me (supposedly the magnum opus of anti-fast-food thinking, all it does is show the predictable result of being stupid), John Moe writes Conservatize Me to try and get inside the minds of right-wingers (anyone being right of Marx being a NeoCon to him) by taking in nothing but right-wing politics and media for an entire month.

Why is it rank-and-file Republicans and Libertarians are always stereotyped as rednecks?

Anyhoo, I tried to duplicate the experiment within the confines of my own mind. I tried to get inside the head of a liberal for about 45 minutes.

It was hard. I generally don't think the world owes me anything, and I obviously had to adjust THAT. Then there was that whole "hatred of the successful and wealthy" attitude to get used to. I knew I was getting somewhere when the words "proletariat" and "bourgeois" and "wage slave" started coming more naturally to me. I also started developing a fondness for Cindy Sheehan, Ted Kennedy, the Dixie Chicks, and Al-Jazeera.

Thus suitably prepared in the liberal mindset, I tried to envision utopia. It needed the following criteria:

~All basic needs are provided. Food, shelter, basic furniture.
~Work is not necessary.
~Healthcare is absolutely free for all.
~Dentalcare is absolutely free for all.
~Education is free.
~College is free.
~Entertainment is provided.
~No one can have access to weapons of any kind.
~Only the police can protect you.
~The police are everywhere.
~Authority makes all the decisions for you.
~A few of your rights are protected.
~There are strict rules, designed to keep everyone safe.
~Any attempts to change the system outside of political means are punished.
~Anyone can join the society.
~Societal benefits last from the time you come in until the time you leave or die

Ye Old Lightbulb went on at this point. Not a dawning flicker, mind you. Someone, somewhere, just threw another 6 rods on the nuclear reactor and the lightbulb lit up like a Christmas tree covered in strings of 1,000,000 candlepower bulbs. The illusion ended, and I was left with the realization that...

Such a place exists on earth! The liberal utopia is here!

Wait for it...

The liberal utopia, the state the Democrats and other assorted socialists want to create, the state the embodies all the virtues listed above is...

You knew this was coming, didn't you? I mean, is this IT or is this it?

It's prison.